Why Fidgeting Isn't "Bad Behavior"—It's Communication

If you've ever watched someone repeatedly fold a napkin, rub their hands together, tap a table, pick at clothing, pace the room, or search through drawers, you've probably heard these actions described as 'problem behaviors.'

But what if we've been looking at them the wrong way?

What if those behaviors aren't the problem at all? What if they're communication?

Whether a person is living with dementia, autism, Parkinson's disease, cerebral palsy, traumatic brain injury, developmental disabilities, or another neurological condition, behavior often becomes the language of unmet needs. When words become difficult—or impossible—the body often begins speaking for us.

Instead of asking, 'How do I stop this behavior?' we should ask, 'What is this person trying to tell me?'

The Lesson My Mom Taught Me

I didn't learn this from a textbook. I learned it from my mom.

During the later stages of her Lewy body dementia, she kicked, bit, resisted care, and did many of the things people often describe as 'bad behaviors.' But she wasn't being bad. She was frightened.

She didn't feel well. And she no longer had the words to tell us what she was experiencing.

Then one day I noticed something remarkable. She kept reaching for magazines—not to read them, but to slowly rub the pages between her fingers. The texture seemed to comfort her. She wasn't looking for information. She was seeking sensory input.

That moment changed my life. I realized my mom wasn't intentionally difficult. In fact, most people aren't. She was communicating in the only way she still could. Her hands were expressing what her words no longer could.

That realization eventually became the foundation for Geri-Gadgets®.

Behavior Has Meaning

Modern person-centered care recognizes that behavior serves a purpose. Restlessness, pacing, picking at clothing, or repetitive movements may reflect fear, boredom, pain, anxiety, confusion, loneliness, fatigue, or a need for sensory stimulation. The behavior is often the message.

We Are Wired to Touch

Have you ever noticed that toddlers touch everything? They run their hands across walls, squeeze food, pick up rocks, and explore every new texture they can find. They aren't trying to make a mess—they're learning about the world.

Our skin contains millions of sensory receptors that constantly send information to the brain about pressure, texture, temperature, vibration, and movement. Touch is one of our earliest and most powerful ways of understanding our environment.

That need doesn't disappear as we grow older. As cognition changes, many people once again rely more heavily on touch and movement to interpret and interact with the world around them. The desire to touch isn't childish—it's profoundly human.

Why Our Hands Matter

Many of us unconsciously twirl a pen, tap our fingers, fold receipts, knit, doodle, or squeeze a stress ball. These repetitive movements help regulate attention and emotions. For someone living with cognitive decline or another neurological condition, purposeful hand activity can provide comfort, familiarity, focus, and connection.

Fidgeting Isn't the Enemy

Instead of trying to eliminate repetitive movements, caregivers can redirect them safely. The goal isn't distraction—it's meaningful engagement that meets an underlying sensory need.

Adult-Appropriate Engagement Matters

Adults deserve activities that respect their dignity and life experience. Meaningful sensory engagement should never feel childish. It should feel purposeful, attractive, safe, and appropriate for adults.

This Isn't Just About Dementia

These principles extend beyond dementia to autism, Parkinson's disease, cerebral palsy, traumatic brain injury, intellectual and developmental disabilities, and many other neurological conditions. Different diagnoses. Different journeys. The same human need to connect, explore, and communicate.

Looking Beyond the Behavior

We all communicate in different ways. Some of us use words. Some use facial expressions. Some use actions. And when words begin to fade, the hands often become one of the last ways a person can tell us what they need.

When we stop asking, 'How do I make this behavior stop?' and begin asking, 'What is this person trying to tell me?' we move one step closer to understanding the person—not just the condition.

Key Takeaways

·       Behavior is often communication.

·       Repetitive hand movements may reflect unmet sensory needs.

·       Observation should come before redirection.

·       Adult-appropriate sensory engagement preserves dignity.

·       Curiosity leads to better care.

References

·       Alzheimer's Association. Understanding and Responding to Dementia-Related Behaviors.

·       National Institute on Aging. Managing Personality and Behavior Changes in Alzheimer's Disease.

·       Kitwood, T. Dementia Reconsidered.

·       Cohen-Mansfield, J. Non-pharmacological interventions for behavioral symptoms in dementia.